Today is Monday!! Know what that means??? It’s official weigh in day! But, like a good TV series, I am going to keep you on the cliff till the very end!!
So I am happy to report I am doing MUCH better in the eating department! I have been successfully scheduling my meals, getting in all my water, eating at just the right amount of calories, or under. I do need to get in more protein, but I think that will really improve by this Thursday when I finally graduate to ‘soft’ foods, or anything I can cut with the back of a fork. Here I come fish, turkey meatloaf, lunch meat and regular cheese! I am SO excited to be able to eat somewhat regular and be able to eat what my family is eating!! That will also help keep me fuller longer, when I have more solid food in my little banana tummy. I am thinking I will also be able to eat Thanksgiving dinner! You can cut turkey with a fork, right!??
I have also been in a better state of mind. I know I can overcome my food demons. In fact, it’s already becoming somewhat normal to eat my really small portions. I am learning not to look forward to eating food. I noticed that this weekend, while driving home from the grocery store, I was thinking about the potato cheese soup I was going to be making for dinner and how normally I would be excited and really looking forward to it, but then it hit me…..I thought, There’s no reason to get all excited about this anymore….yes, it’s going to taste good, and yes, you’re looking forward to it, but really? You are only going to be able to eat a few tablespoons!! Less than a half cup!! It’s hardly even worth getting excited for and not worth looking forward to for hours.
So, that was one of my many epiphanies I’m sure I’m going to have A LOT of. There’s no need to look forward to eating anymore. I truly believe that desire will naturally wane as I get more used to eating much smaller, ‘normal’ portions. I don’t believe it will ever be completely gone. I will still look forward to going out to a nice dinner, or Thanksgiving, etc, but with only being able to eat ½ cup food, it really doesn’t have the same draw!! I’m not having that ‘empty’ feeling like I was a week ago…that mentally bereft feeling and that need just to ‘taste’ and ‘fill up’.
There are some theories out there that it takes a while for the ghrelin hormone to deplete your system after sugery, which is maybe why I was still feeling hunger, but honestly, I think it was the start of the mental adjustments I need to make. You know when you quit smoking and the urge is horrible at first, but slowly gets better? I think that’s what it is….was really bad as the realization really set in that I truly really couldn’t eat what I wanted anymore. Now it’s like, okay, so what, get on with your life and deal with it. Time to start to find other things to look forward to, to do in food’s absence. Still working on that one, folks! I’m not the type to take up scrapbooking or knitting :) The natural thing everyone says it’s ‘exercise’! I have every intention of starting that…Fuzz and I are joining the Y at the beginning of the year. Still need to work out scheduling with Baby C, etc, but we’ll figure it out. I am thinking that’s a perfect time to start…I’ll be down about 30-35 pounds, I’ll have a much better handle on my new way of eating and my new period of adjustment will be pretty much over so I won’t need to concentrate on that, the holidays will be over, and we’ll have a bit more moola to drop $85/month on a health club!!
So things are going well! Here is the weight update….I got on the scale this morning and it was 281.6!! My clothes are starting to feel a little tiny bit looser, but not much. I’ve lost a total of 10 inches off tummy, chest, thighs so far. No one has noticed I look smaller, of course. 20 pounds off a 300 lb person is like 2 pounds off a 125 lb person! It’ll be a while before people start to notice, but that’s okay. For the first time in my life, I am being patient! I am taking this journey day by day – truly realizing it’s a journey and not just a destination. I want to enjoy every little change, every non-scale victory (NSV) like crossing my legs, tummy not touching the steering wheel, etc. I already have a ton more energy, but I think that’s from me not taking all my medications anymore, and eating less and more healthy. I do notice I can bend over easier already! That is a big one!!
Almost to the 270’s! Haven’t been 270 in about five years (except for when I had Baby C and my body was ‘normal’ for about three months, before it all came rushing back with my PCOS symptoms!) I don’t know if I’ll hit my goal of 265 by December 31, though. Kind of worried about that. I was even overly cautious when I set it….a lot of others who have had this surgery easily met that goal and surpassed it (35 pounds in little over two months), so I thought for sure I could do it but I’ve had a few stalls already. I hope to God I’m not a slow loser, but then I’ve got to tell myself, when else have you EVER been able to lose more than 20 pounds in three weeks….and keep it off FOREVER!!! There is a Christmas challenge on verticalsleevetalk.com that I joined. Since it’s a Christmas challenge, I threw in that I would be down to 265 by Christmas, a full week before my original goal! Yikes! We’ll see. I know it’s out of my hands…I can’t overeat or sabotage myself this time, it’s all in what my body chooses to do right now. Later on, I will have more control when I am eating more, and exercise will then play a part, but right now so early on I just have to coast and see what happens! Anyone wanna join my Christmas challenge?? What do you think you can get down to by 12/25??
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