And Today I Weigh......

We'll get to my weight a little bit later :)  

I just realized I should have named my blog Cheeseburger Dreams...everyone who knows me knows I don't like sweets, and that cheeseburgers are my favorite food...but Cupcake Dreams sounded so CUTE!  And oh Lord, have I been craving me some cheeseburger!!!

Anwhoozle, back to my story.  So today I am 12 days out from surgery.  I get to start pureed foods tomorrow.  Which to me seems no different than full liquids.  My paperwork says full liquids are strained cream soups, runny Cream of Wheat, protein drinks, yogurt, pudding, applesauce.  Pureeds says anything that is no thicker than applesauce (can be drawn through a straw, but you don't use a straw) with no chunks.  So....what is the difference?  Pudding is already thicker than applesauce, but I have been allowed that?  I don't understand.  Everything that everyone else eats on this stage is thicker than applesauce and can't be sucked through a straw - refried beans and cheese, mashed potatoes, pureed soups (not strained but no chunks and thick) so I'm confused!!  

But not too confused.  I have a confession to make.  I've been cheating.  Not really CHEATING, as in you're on a diet and you got through McDonald's for lunch and then DQ for dessert and then have pizza for dinner, but I have been eating more than full liquids.  It started on Saturday.  I am starting to get hungry.  Not starving hungry, but hungry!    I've been subsisting on about 400 calories a day and my swollen tummy is not so swollen anymore, and I'm basically feeling almost totally back to normal, except for some sore tummy muscles if I stretch too far, so my body is like "FEED ME".  But just not so loud as it was before since my tummy no longer produces ghrelin, the hunger hormone.  It is controllable.  But it's getting increasingly harder to watch other people eat things I love!  Friday night my Bosom Buddy was over and we ordered pizza and her and Fuzz (my hubby) and our kids bathed and drooled all over that gooey, cheesy, greasy goodness.  As I sat and watched the food orgy, I confess, I was wanting a damn piece of pizza!  So what did I do?  I cheated.  No, I did not eat a piece of pizza with my new week-old tummy, but I did steal a mushroom off my son's piece and chewed and chewed and chewed the hell out of it to turn it into applesaucy mush before I swallowed it.  Then I was okay, oddly enough.  Thank you, Sleevie Wonder.   

So Saturday comes and I go grocery shopping and I decide it's time for something of substance.  So I get some Bob Evans mashed potatoes and some jarred turkey gravy.  That night, I made about 1/3 cup of mashed potatoes with some butter and jarred gravy to thin them out.  Oh my god, was it good!!  Now, mashed potatoes are not on the full liquids diet, but I figured I was close to Wednesday (LOL!) and the most important decision was that many, many other post-sleeve programs allow pureeds and mushies at this stage.  And there were no chunks, and it was thin.  

Then I worry, am I just justifying what I ate like I used to do?  Is this a bad habit coming back?  But then I realize, no, you need to eat, you are truly hungry, and adding 200 calories to your already 300 per day is not going to make(keep) you fat!  And once I can start eating 'normally', or what my new normal will be, I will be able to eat substance, which will definitely keep me full longer and allow me to feel like I am eating again!  But that's not allowed until November 30.   The countdown has started.  

See.  This is why I need to post more often.  Each one of these experiences should be it's own post!  They will get shorter, I promise. 

As a side note, the worst part so far, with the hunger and cravings, was Sunday night.  Fuzz, Baby C, and I went to Costco to get the usual and since it was later, they got Costco hot dogs and a chicken bake for dinner.  That was the absolute worst so far.  The smell of the hot dogs, the juices running out of it as I fed it to my child, the warm, soft bun, the oozy ketchup.  I confess.  I cheated again.  I actually took a bite, chewed it slowly, savored every soft, warm, juicy, salty bite.....and then spit it out into napkin.  But I overcame it, and survived.

So this week I am sort of introducing mushies and pureeds, before Wednesday, because I am getting hungry.  I made a beautiful Ricotta Bake with sauce and cheese, which is thicker than applesauce, but so damn good (Thank you, Eggface!)  And I've been eating my mashed potatoes.  And I've even snuck a weird bite of this and that, chewed it to sawdust before I swallowed it.  I think today, I might even try some thinned out refried beans with melted cheese!  Don't worry, I really don't think I'm overdoing it.  I do eat very slow, make sure I can tolerate it, and only about 1/4-1/2 cup at a time.   No chunks, nothing of substance, nothing that can get 'stuck' or hurt my staple line.

So is all this worth it?  You tell me.  I started this journey at 300 el-bees, actually 302, and this morning I got on the scale and I weigh 285.  that's 17 pounds in 12 days.  Course, a lot of that is water weight, and anyone can lose that in a week or two of severe crash dieting, which is basically what I have been doing.  But this time, Ladies and Gents, IT'S NOT COMING BACK!!! EVER!!!!  It's just going to keep melting off me, probably at a slower pace, and I will have stalls as my body adjusts, but I will continue to shrink.  And so, yes, I believe it is worth.  And if anyone...anyone.....asks me if they should do this, I would stand from the rooftops and shout "YES" from the top of my lungs.