Holidays and TURKEY!!!!

Disclaimer - not MY turkey!

So, you’re not going to believe what I did.  Or, for those of you that know me, you will!  I know that since I’m having my surgery on the 20^th, I will not be able to ever again pig out on Thanksgiving. No two plates of food, going back to the kitchen to pick at the turkey and stuffing multiple times, having another mini-plate later in the evening, punkin pie, and God forbid, no more turkey bun sammiches!!!! (Can you tell those are my favorite?) 

I have thought long and hard about what it will be like with the loss of food after my new ‘birthday’.  Will I really miss eating a big ole’ cheeseburger and fries?  No.  Will I miss eating half a pizza?  No.  Will I really miss eating anything in large quantities and will this depress me and make me feel deprived?  No, I really don’t think so.  I thought it would at first, but the closer I have come in this long journey, I am really, truly looking forward to being FREE from food for the first time in my life.  I no longer have to wonder 'If I order this, will it be ENOUGH'.  'Is that ENOUGH food on my plate?’  ‘Will there be ENOUGH food at so-and-so’s dinner?’  My Grandma thinks I starved to death in a previous life and I think she’s right!  I know with the sleeve, I can have whatever I want, whenever I want, just in MUCH smaller quantities.  There are no ‘forbidden foods’.  Like with the band, you will probably never eat bread or pasta again – not for me.  Dumping syndrome with bypass.  And don’t even get me started on other diets in which you can have celery and water and that’s it!!  Even all those multiple times I was on Weight Watchers, I was sad I couldn’t have an avocado ‘cause it would blow nearly my whole day’s points! 

The main reason I am having this surgery is so I can be NORMAL.  My mother, bless her little soul, is thin and healthy, always has been.  There are many, many naturally thin people in the world who are ‘allowed’ to have a small slice of cake at a birthday party.  Or who can have some chips and dip at a party.  Or who can go out to eat in a restaurant and indulge once in a while.  Granted, this is all in moderation.  They don’t feel constantly guilty about what they put in their mouths.  They don’t beat themselves up and go flog themselves in the bathroom with the scale the next morning.  They are normal and FREE from food.  Now, I know it’s not nirvana for them.  They do think, hmmm, I probably shouldn’t eat this – but it’s not near the guilt and remorse I feel.  And with the sleeve, I believe I can enjoy those things every once in a great while, too, and not feel like I’m going to Dieter’s Hell for falling off the wagon, YET AGAIN!  When you’re fat, it’s like you’re an alcoholic – can’t just have one beer, ever.  Can’t just have one chip, ever.  Or sakes alive, don’t go out to eat and order something unhealthy off the menu!  No way, not EVER AGAIN.  You have to change your eating habits FOREVER. 

Before everyone yells at me and tells me that having this surgery does not mean you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want, let me say I realize that.  I know, and have every intention, of eating healthy and making the oft-quoted ‘lifestyle change’.  Eating my lean protein and veggies is top priority because when you can only fit ½ to 1 cup in your gullet, you better make it nutritionally count.  But I can tell you, when I do indulge (and I will, like a NORMAL person) I know every little bite, every little morsel, every little flavor nuance will be savored and enjoyed.  Unlike now, when I can Hoover through a meal and barely taste it, like when you throw a raw piece of meat at a dog!  I know if I go out to eat, I can order something I truly enjoy and have FOUR dinners from it, not just one, inhaled in a hurry.  I will not feel deprived, or upset.  I will be FREE!  I know there will some transition difficulties, I’m not naïve.  I am breaking a lifetime’s worth of habits and comforts, almost overnight.  And I’m being forced to do so, in a way, because of the choice I made.  There will be some frustration, but in the long run it will all settle down and I will finally, hopefully, have a healthy relationship with food (just remind me of this 3-4 weeks after surgery, K, when it’s supposedly the worst!!  Or, I’ll print this and put it up everywhere I can see it!)

So that brings us to TURKEY.  I did realize I would miss Thanksgiving dinner and the assorted orgasmic leftover treats and rituals that go with it.  So, what did I do?  I cooked a big turkey dinner this weekend!  Yep, that’s right, a 22-lb turkey, replete with stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, bacon green beans, buns, punkin pie – THE WORKS!  And, man, was it good.  We’re still eating off that bird.  And, I made a big pot of broth and soup off the carcass to freeze for after the surgery!  And you know what, NOW I am settled.  Now I know I can sit with my family and enjoy Thanksgiving and not feel remorse that I can’t eat like I used to.  Not that I’m sure I would have, but now I know I won’t.  That was truly the only thing I knew I would miss, and with it being so close after surgery, I may not even be able to choke down solids by then.  So, we had an early Thanksgiving!  And I’m glad I did it.  Not an ounce of guilt, and not one pound gained, either!  Amazing. 

So, here’s to my new life (raising a drumstick in a toast), and to everyone out there who is ‘listening’ to my ramblings.  I truly think I am ready for this.  Then again, those who had the surgery says you are never ready, you really can’t prepare for the roller coaster I will be on.  It’s like pregnancy, you can go to Lamaze classes, visit the hospital, read a library full of books, but when the labor pains start, Whoa Nelly, what the hell was that and WHAT was I thinking??!! 

So, we’ll see.  I’m buckled in and the car is ratcheting up the first hill; click, click, click…nearing the top in a few weeks….no butterflies yet in my tummy, but I know they will come! 

And I’m so glad you are here with me……