Hanging my head in shame....

Because I have not posted on here since December 7th.  DECEMBER 7th!!!   Really!!???  Good grief.  I knew I was bad, but that bad!??  See, told you I'd neglect it – like homework.  

Well, first off, let me get out of the way the weight loss issue.  I am now officially down 51 pounds!  Whoo hoo!!!  I hit my goal of 265 on December 15, two weeks earlier than my goal date of December 31 (my baby boy's 3rd birthday).  Then I hit the milestone of 50 pounds lost on February 6th, while my mom and 91 year old Grandma were visiting from Canada.  That was nice, to be able to share that accomplishment.  So the stats are:

First month - 19 pounds lost

Second month - 12 pounds lost

Third month - 7 pounds lost

Fourth month – Another 7 pounds

My clothes are smaller, but not overly so for losing 50 lbs.  I carry most of weight in my tummy, and that has been the slowest to shrink.  I've only lost about 6 inches or so from my waist (sounds like a lot, but not when you have a 58” waist!!!).  Have lost a lot in my thighs, face, butt, but those places weren't that bad to begin with.  People are starting to notice more now, but I only work with about four people on a regular basis, so I don't get to hear a lot of 'oh my gosh, you're shrinking' comments.  I used to not be able to fit into size 26W pants at my favorite store, I just went and bought 24W's last week.  My shirts have gone from a 4x to a 3x, or sometimes a 2x, depending.  Just one size for the most part.  I keep hearing the smaller I get, the faster I will notice clothing size changes, so we will see.  Can't wait to not have to shop in plus size stores/sections anymore!!!

My weight loss has really slowed down the last couple of months.  But, I really, really have to admit, I am not taking advantage of this surgery like I should be.  I am eating things (bad things) just because I CAN….like chips, cookies, etc.  Not all the time, certainly, but I have to admit, I have practiced no restraint in my food choices at all.  I eat whatever I want, whenever I want.  Which, because of my sleevie wonder, is not much, and I still have lost copious amounts of weight, but I really, really need to take this opportunity and change my eating habits and make better choices.  The first year is the ‘honeymoon period’ where you lose the most weight, then I’ve hear it really slows down as your body adjusts to it’s new ‘normal” and weight loss starts to even out and plateau.  I need to get off the mindset that I have complete freedom with food because my tummy is so much smaller.  There is so much more to it than that, and I have been lucky, since I’ve lost so much weight, but if I don’t really work my sleeve, it won’t work in the long run! 

I also keep hitting stalls.  Lots of them.  My body does this one step forward thing, two steps back.  SOOOO annoying. It’s been that way almost from the beginning.  So, for instance, when I want to hit a goal, like 255, or some round number…my scale will say 255 finally one morning and drop about two or three to get there, then I’ll shoot back up to 257 or 258 for a couple weeks, till it gets back down to 255!!! It’s like my body gets there, then scares itself and hangs on desperately for a few weeks till it decides to drop another couple of pounds.  Like this last time.  I hit 50 lbs down on the 6^th (stated above) which was 252.  I was SOOOO excited to get below 250, to 249 and have been waiting and waiting, and waiting, and waiting and IT STILL hasn’t happened.  I wanted it to happen on my four month surgiversary, which was yesterday, but it didn’t.  I got down to 250 a couple of time since the 6^th, but then it goes back up to 251, 252, hovers at 250. Argh…..!

To be honest, aside from the eating, which really isn’t horrible- I just need a little more discipline- I honestly think my problem is water intake.  You are supposed to drink a ton of water when you lose weight.  And I thought I understood why – the whole kidney thing, process fat breakdown, etc, but I was missing a key piece!!  I read an article last week that stated the main reason for drinking water during weight loss like ours was for our LIVER!  I read that when you are losing large amounts of weight, your liver is the organ that process the fats and breaks them down for your body to release.  But you know what?  If you’re not getting enough water for your kidneys to properly filter your blood, your liver takes over since your kidneys don’t have enough fluid to process waste and byproducts like it should.  THEN guess what happens? That’s right….since your liver is busy doing Kidney’s job, it can’t do its own by breaking down and metabolizing fat.  So your fat loss slows down. Less water,  less weight loss.

So, needless to say, a light bulb went off. Big time.  I need to confess first that I probably only drink, at the most, maybe one or two 8 oz glasses of water a day. Often less, and often more in coffee!  And, we need like 90-100 oz a day depending on our size.  So, there is a huge deficit.  Starting today, I am going to drink three large Tervis tumblers of water a  day….that’s about 75 oz.  That’s a big step for me.  I doubt I’ll ever get up to 100…pshaw, don’t even think we need that much, but 75 should enable my kidney’s to quit shirking their duties and passing off the work to my poor liver, who should be disposing off all my thousands of little fat cells with eager and efficient haste. 

The other issue is protein.  I really need to take in more protein.  Average for me per day is only about 40 grams and I should be getting 90.  Hmmmmm….protein shakes, anyone?  Has both water AND protein…kill two birds, so they say.  I will be drinking one protein shake daily starting today, too. 

As an experiment, I will see what happens by next Tuesday.  If I drop a ton of weight or anything.  The water thing will be hard, because I hate peeing every five minutes, and it really drops my temperature and makes me cold, but they say after a couple of weeks, your kidneys get used to the increased water intake and the urination slows down.  It takes a couple of weeks for your body to stabilize, too, and finally feel hydrated enough to work as it should and not be traumatized and afraid it will never get water again J  Poor little kidneys.  My husband says they are like two little shriveled up raisins, desperately trying to gather up every little drop of fluid (I’ve always had a water drinking issue, thanks Mom and Grandma for passing that down!)

Finally, my other realization is that I DO need to take my vitamins.  I was having issues with mouth sores and a sore, swollen red tongue and cracks at the corners of my mouth that wouldn’t heal.  Oh, and swollen, tender gums that were bleeding when I brushed my teeth (that’s NEVER happened to me before).  So, after some research, it is most likely a B deficiency or a lack of adequate protein.  So I started taking my sublingual B vits, along with a multivitamin again, and all is healing now.  I took my vits religiously after the surgery for about six weeks, but I kept reading that we’re really not in danger of malabsorption as our surgery isn’t like RnY and my doctor even said it’s rare, but when I started my vits again, it started to clear up.  We’ll see.  I had my three month labs drawn last week (a month late J) and go in on Friday to discuss with my surgeon for my first follow up appt.  I am wondering if I did have a deficiency if it would even show up as I started taking the vits about four days before the lab draw, but we’ll see. 

Well, that’s enough for now.  I am going to come back later this week, or early next, and post some before and afters.  I now have more time to devote to my blog.  Had a lot of family over the holidays, got a big promotion at work, more responsibility, etc, and haven’t even been on VST like I used to.  But I’m back now, and  ready to really work this sleeve!  My goal is to get to 235 by March 31.  I have to break these stalls somehow!!!  More water, more protein, less crap food, and my vits and I’ll be good to go!

Will keep you posted, all! 

Progress!!!

Oh. My. God.  Has it really almost a month since I last posted?????!!!!! Again, I have to start by apologizing that I am not posting every Monday as promised.  Sheesh, this is getting like homework assignments from high school!  I just need to learn to post more often so I don’t write so damn much and overwhelm myself!!  Short notes every Monday would be much better!  

 

So, where did I leave off?  Oh, yes, before Thanksgiving, which is why I haven’t posted as I had that week off of work and it’s hard to blog from home.  Thanksgiving went really well.  Everyone was concerned, myself included, that it would be emotionally and physically hard not to partake in the usual feast as I used to.  We hosted at my house, had my BFF and her husband and daughter over and it was really relaxed, nothing fancy.  They provided the 22 lb turkey (thank you BFF and hubby :)!  So I cooked that, along with stuffing, mashed potatoes, supreme green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, and mashed carrots/turnips – with rolls and punkin pie, of course.  

To make a long story short, the food was wonderful, but I filled up on some appetizers my BFF made (little pigs in blankets, nummy - my favorite - had about four of those babies! and spinach dip) and also, of course, picked at the turkey while carving.  SO by the time we all sat down and I had my food on my little tiny plate, I was already full!  But I had a few bites and called it good.  I thought I would be more remorseful that I couldn’t eat more, but it wasn’t that bad.  There was a little regret, but it didn’t ruin it for me, or make me angry or depressed or anything.  I knew the food would all be there later and I could have more later if I wanted.  I also had half a piece of punkin pie a few hours later, so no deprivation there!  I was bummed I couldn’t have the usual turkey bun sammiches for leftovers, but I did make one the next day, ate a few bites, and gave the rest to Fuzz.  And surprisingly enough, I was satisfied.  Of course, I wished I could eat a LITTLE more, but that's how I got to needing surgery!  All in all, it went really well, better than expected, and I didn't throw any food rage tantrums or have to go the bathroom and cry over my deprivation and loss, lol. 

As a side note, I did a LOT of grazing over the week and weekend.  I don’t have any routine or structure at home and do much better at work, and of course, picking at turkey and stuffing for four days here and there since I really couldn’t EAT it but for grazing and topping off, didn’t help.  I didn’t lose any weight that week…just fluctuated back and forth the same few pounds, but I don't think that's why as my calories are always under 900 or so a day.  I should mention that Thanksgiving was my fifth week out of surgery and I was on the last week of my restricted, soft food diet.  All the food was soft (cut with back of fork) but I did try, and tolerated fine, the turkey and ate it the next week, also. I've ALWAYS been one to push the limits and test out restrictions, and this surgery has been no different *sigh*.

So last week, Thursday, I finally graduated to ‘normal’ food and can now eat whatever I can tolerate, being careful, of course.  But I am one of those lucky ones who can tolerate anything, and who has not gotten sick once.  I never had to eat just two teaspoons of jello or yogurt, I can eat a half cup of food or almost a cup of soup without any issues.  I was worried for a while I wasn’t restricted enough, but that was just silly worry as I definitely have restriction, especially with compared to my life before!  I think we all worry that this surgery isn't going to work 'for me' - that I will be the one it will fail for.  We have been damaged with SO MANY diet failures and have felt like such failures again and again with diets, it's ingrained in us that 'this won't really work either.'  But, as I have learned and researched, the weight will come off - it's almost impossible to NOT have it come off with our tiny tummies.  

Last week, Fuzz sand I were out late (buying my new car!!) and we needed to grab food on the way home.  We stopped by a little burger/diner stand and I ordered a small mushroom melt cheeseburger for me and Baby C to split.  No fries or anything, Fuzz had plenty of extras to share if needed!  I cut the baby cheeseburger in half, gave half to Baby C, and then cut the other half in half again (quartered) and took the top bun off.  I ate almost the whole quarter, and most the mushrooms off the other quarter and was DONE.  Phew…felt like Thanksgiving dinner in the old days!  Was amazed as before I would have easily have eaten what my darling hubby did, which was a double bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a diet soda.  Oh, I did have about three small fries.  I now almost always eat less than Baby C, our three-year old.  My plates are smaller than his and I often can’t finish them.  I’m at under 1000 calories a day, around 30-40 gm of carbs, and 70 gm of protein.  So doing well!!  Lots of deli meat, cheese, smoked salmon, jerky steak bites from Costco, protein shakes and bars, and normal dinners with the boys (just much smaller).  Now that I am on a ‘regular’ diet, I need to start incorporating more fruits and veggies…just don’t know how since I have so little room, how would I then get in my protein?  It really is a dilemma!  I want to try salad….some places say to wait three months, my doc and nutritionist don’t have that rule, but I’ve heard lettuce gives a lot of us sleevies issues.  Some not at all…I am guessing that since I have been lucky to date, I will probably be just fine.  I even had some corn on Monday, no issues, so there you go! We’re having a dinner party this weekend and I’m making Caesar salad so I’ll let you all know how it goes down! I would LOVE a chef salad, small, of course. 

So, to weigh in!!!  I’m now at 269.8.  Below 270....yay!!! Finally broke another stall where I was fluctuating between 271-271 all week.  Ugh.  I need to get down to 255 for the Christmas Challenge (on verticalsleevetalk.com) but I don’t think I can do 15 pounds in two a half weeks.  I thought I was too aggressive when I set and readjusted my goal, but like I said, what do I have to lose but weight!!!  I know I will lose it, just don’t think that much.  I seem to hover a lot for a week or so, then lose a few pounds here and there. I think I'm a slow loser, then when I update my tickers and graph, I see that I'm doing pretty well!  It's just that the weight stays the same for so many days at a time, and even goes up(!) that it seems slow, but it's really not.  I've lost 33 lbs since 10/20, six weeks.  That averages 5.5 lbs a week!  Damn...that's the first time I figured that out - now I'm really happy and know I'm not a slow loser, sheesh!  I’m also worried that I haven’t lost very many inches. I carry most of my fat in my tummy and I’ve only lost about 4 inches in my waist.  Which is not much.  I’m worried my weight loss is muscle….but we’ll see.  With my PCOS and other hormonal issues, I’m not the usual when it comes to weight loss.  My clothes are a little looser, people say they can see it in my face.  Not a lot of people have commented, though, as it’s only been 33 pounds and I still have 100 to lose. I figure when I get to about 50 down, that when people will really start to comment.  No smaller clothes yet, either, but I'm right on the cusp of that, too.  I could probably do a smaller bra, and squeeze into smaller pants, but I don't want to squeeze.....ever again!  I want things to fit comfortable, so I'll wait and bide my time! 

Wait, make that 99.4 lbs to lose, not 100!!!!  Whoo hoo!!! That’s right, with this morning’s break into the 260’s, I also now have less than 100 lbs to lose AND I also am now under 40 BMI!!  I started at 44.6 BMI and as of this morning I am now at 39.8!  Yay!  Two other goals realized!  So even if I don’t make my Christmas Challenge, I am sure I will make my original goal (at the right) to weigh 265 by New Year’s (Baby C’s third birthday is New Year’s Eve).  So I KNOW I will make my original goal, which makes me happy, and will probably surpass it a bit.  Don’t think I’ll make 255, but I will make my original goal and that makes me happy!! Those who know me know I always reach my goals eventually...which is why I was hesitant to overshoot for the Christmas Challenge, but now I'll know for next time - it was my first challenge after my surgery so I had no way of knowing how fast or slow I would lose.  I'll know better for next time!

So, my lovelies....till next time.  I really will try to post more often (not like you are all waiting with bated breath for my next entry, but you know...)

Thanks for reading my babblings and I hope I am helping some, inspiring others.  Talk to you next week!!! 

Comments.....

Okay, I think I finally figured it out.  I kept hearing that people were trying to leave comments, but couldn't. I changed the settings so anyone can leave comments now, so........please do? Feels kind lonely out here by myself.....   Is there anyone out there??

Starting to figure it out!

Today is Monday!!  Know what that means???  It’s official weigh in day!  But, like a good TV series, I am going to keep you on the cliff till the very end!! 

 

So I am happy to report I am doing MUCH better in the eating department!  I have been successfully scheduling my meals, getting in all my water, eating at just the right amount of calories, or under.  I do need to get in more protein, but I think that will really improve by this Thursday when I finally graduate to ‘soft’ foods, or anything I can cut with the back of a fork.  Here I come fish, turkey meatloaf, lunch meat and regular cheese!  I am SO excited to be able to eat somewhat regular and be able to eat what my family is eating!!  That will also help keep me fuller longer, when I have more solid food in my little banana tummy.   I am thinking I will also be able to eat Thanksgiving dinner!  You can cut turkey with a fork, right!??

I have also been in a better state of mind.  I know I can overcome my food demons.  In fact, it’s already becoming somewhat normal to eat my really small portions.  I am learning not to look forward to eating food.  I noticed that this weekend, while driving home from the grocery store, I was thinking about the potato cheese soup I was going to be making for dinner and how normally I would be excited and really looking forward to it, but then it hit me…..I thought, There’s no reason to get all excited about this anymore….yes, it’s going to taste good, and yes, you’re looking forward to it, but really?  You are only going to be able to eat a few tablespoons!!   Less than a half cup!!  It’s hardly even worth getting excited for and not worth looking forward to for hours.  

So, that was one of my many epiphanies I’m sure I’m going to have A LOT of.  There’s no need to look forward to eating anymore.  I truly believe that desire will naturally wane as I get more used to eating much smaller, ‘normal’ portions.  I don’t believe it will ever be completely gone.  I will still look forward to going out to a nice dinner, or Thanksgiving, etc, but with only being able to eat ½ cup food, it really doesn’t have the same draw!!  I’m not having that ‘empty’ feeling like I was a week ago…that mentally bereft feeling and that need just to ‘taste’ and ‘fill up’.  

There are some theories out there that it takes a while for the ghrelin hormone to deplete  your system after sugery, which is maybe why I was still feeling hunger, but honestly, I think it was the start of the mental adjustments I need to make.  You know when you quit smoking and the urge is horrible at first, but slowly gets better?  I think that’s what it is….was really bad as the realization really set in that I truly really couldn’t eat what I wanted anymore.  Now it’s like, okay, so what, get on with your life and deal with it.  Time to start to find other things to look forward to, to do in food’s absence.  Still working on that one, folks!  I’m not the type to take up scrapbooking or knitting :)   The natural thing everyone says it’s ‘exercise’!  I have every intention of starting that…Fuzz and I are joining the Y at the beginning of the year. Still need to work out scheduling with Baby C, etc, but we’ll figure it out.  I am thinking that’s a perfect time to start…I’ll be down about 30-35 pounds, I’ll have a much better handle on my new way of eating and my new period of adjustment will be pretty much over so I won’t need to concentrate on that, the holidays will be over, and we’ll have a bit more moola to drop $85/month on a health club!! 

So things are going well!  Here is the weight update….I got on the scale this morning and it was 281.6!!  My clothes are starting to feel a little tiny bit looser, but not much.  I’ve lost a total of 10 inches off tummy, chest, thighs so far.  No one has noticed I look smaller, of course.  20 pounds off a 300 lb person is like 2 pounds off a 125 lb person!  It’ll be a while before people start to notice, but that’s okay.  For the first time in my life, I am being patient!  I am taking this journey day by day – truly realizing it’s a journey and not just a destination.  I want to enjoy every little change, every non-scale victory (NSV) like crossing my legs, tummy not touching the steering wheel, etc.  I already have a ton more energy, but I think that’s from me not taking all my medications anymore, and eating less and more healthy.  I do notice I can bend over easier already!  That is a big one!!  

Almost to the 270’s!  Haven’t been 270 in about five years (except for when I had Baby C and my body was ‘normal’ for about three months, before it all came rushing back with my PCOS symptoms!)  I don’t know if I’ll hit my goal of 265 by December 31, though.  Kind of worried about that.  I was even overly cautious when I set it….a lot of others who have had this surgery easily met that goal and surpassed it (35 pounds in little over two months), so I thought for sure I could do it but I’ve had a few stalls already.  I hope to God I’m not a slow loser, but then I’ve got to tell myself, when else have you EVER been able to lose more than 20 pounds in three weeks….and keep it off FOREVER!!!  There is a Christmas challenge on verticalsleevetalk.com that I joined.  Since it’s a Christmas challenge, I threw in that I would be down to 265 by Christmas, a full week before my original goal!  Yikes!   We’ll see.  I know it’s out of my hands…I can’t overeat or sabotage myself this time, it’s all in what my body chooses to do right now.  Later on, I will have more control when I am eating more, and exercise will then play a part, but right now so early on I just have to coast and see what happens!  Anyone wanna join my Christmas challenge??  What do you think you can get down to by 12/25?? 

Need to gain control.....

Okay, so I need to get a grip.  I gotta tell you, I didn’t think I’d have such a hard time with the head hunger thing.  I mean, I KNEW it would be a hard transition, but I thought I would be able to overcome bad habits since this is the biggest and best chance I will EVER have to live a healthy, long life.  I didn’t think I would create NEW bad habits!!!!

If you remember in my last post, I mentioned this feeling that every time I ate, it felt like food was sitting in my esophagus – this odd pressure feeling.  Well, I believe this IS because I’m overeating and not because of any restriction.  Now, remember, my overeating is eating ½ cup instead of 1/3 cup   So I’m not gorging, but I do think I’m overeating.  The main problem is that my actual tummy never feels ’full’.  I don’t know if, since they cut out the stretchy part of the stomach (fundus), that they cut out the ‘stretch receptors’ that tell you when you’re full, but my tummy itself doesn’t feel full, but I know I’m full when there is food in the lower part of my esophagus.  This is not good since I’m now using this as a guide to feel full. 

Now, bring in the emotional, head hunger part of it.  It is hard to stop eating at only a 1/3 or ½ cup of food, especially when it tastes good.  We all know that, we all overeat when food is really good and poke it in till we are full, that’s why the obese get obese!   But in a way this is worse, because I only get a couple of nibbles in and then I HAVE to be done.  Which means I MENTALLY feel unsatisfied and incomplete.  I really, really need to get a grip on this because I have started ‘grazing’, or what I call ‘topping off’.  Like, I’ll eat a scrambled egg for breakfast, and I’ll have that full feeling (up top, not in my tummy), then in about 15 – 20 minutes, the pressure feeling goes away, then I’ll go take a couple more bites of something, seafood or chicken salad, or refried beans, till that pressure feeling comes back, etc, etc, all day!!  This is DISASTROUS!!  It’s been proven time and again that bariatric patients fail and gain back weight because they learn to graze to overcome the loss of bingeing.  They can’t eat huge amounts, so they eat little amounts constantly.  The other downside of this, is that because I’m always topping off, I can’t drink my fluids like I’m supposed to.  You’re not supposed to drink until ½ hour, 45 minutes after a meal, but I never let my little pouch empty like it should.  So, I’m not getting in enough water, either.  *SIGH*  This really is a transition and you really, really have to get over the fact that you will not feel mentally satisfied or replete at first, for a  while, until this becomes the new normal.  At least, I HOPE it’s temporary.  I’m also hoping it will get better when I can eat more substantial food, then food will stay in my tummy longer and hopefully I’ll feel fuller longer.  But again, most of it is mental and I need to overcome that full feeling with satisfaction and overall well-being.  I just need to eat to nourish myself and not for pleasure or comfort.  I will be able to enjoy wonderful food again, just not a lot, and I need to be okay with that.  I know I will be, but it’s tough right now!  Like an alcoholic with just a couple of drops of wine three times a day

So, all that being said, I need to gain control of this and gain control fast.  Yesterday I started doing what I am SUPPOSED to do.  Eat three meals a day, measure out my food and eat only what I measure out.  Small snacks in between meals, no more bites here and there.  And DRINK ½ hour after I eat.  So, breakfast at 8, drink, drink, drink.  If I get hungry before noon, I just drink some more.  Around 10, I can have a Laughing Cow wedge or something small.  Then more water/tea, then lunch, etc, etc.  NO MORE TOPPING OFF.  I need to get control of my new life and my new healthy eating habits now and not create new bad ones to overcompensate for my mental loss of large amounts of food.  I know I can do this.  Yesterday I did really well.  I also measured out less than ½ cup portions and stopped eating before I was done and the pressure feeling wasn’t as bad and even non-existent in some cases.  I actually enjoyed it, the structure and the feeling over control over food instead of the other way around.  I think I’ve been lackadaisical and unstructured because I’m still just a little over two weeks out and I tell myself, “Oh, you can only have pureeds, so it’s not that bad…once you can eat real food, you’ll figure it out, yada, yada, yada”.  But those are excuses.  I need to get into a routine and pattern now to get the most weight loss I can in the first year, the Honeymoon period, as they call it. 

Now, Mom, don’t worry….I’ll be fine and I will overcome this and figure it out (I know she’s reading this and worried about me….she always did wonder how I would be satisfied on so little food…she knows me).  It’s not as bad as it sounds….it’s just trying to find different ways to think about things and recognizing the emotions that go into eating, the pleasure, the flavors, etc, and constantly telling yourself, I am fine, I am full, I AM satisfied….until it becomes second nature and you’re not left with the wanting feeling.  None of us would have ever become fat if we had healthy relationships with food, so now I need to get some good self-therapy to find my happy places that don’t include food  

Till next time, all.  I’ll keep you posted on my journey!!  Any comments, insights, suggestions, smacks upside the head, are welcome!  Is anyone even reading this??  Have a great day and I’ll talk at you soon!

Monday Weigh In....

FINALLY the scale moved.  Dang.....I was so ready to call out the fat cell police and tell them to open the damn flood-gates!  So, I was down to 285.4 last Monday on the 1st, then shot back up to 288 the next day, then hovered all week around 287/286/288.  Was SOOO frustrating.  I mean, I know my body is in shock, and it's panicked, and I know stalls are totally normal, but man, it was frustrating. 

But today, today....I got on the scale this morning and finally it was down to 284.2!!!  Actually, the SCALE wasn't down to 284.2, I WAS!!!  It's ME that's down to 284.2.  So now hopefully the scale will keep moving until my next stall, which hopefully will be at least a few weeks away.  I decided that Monday will be my 'official' weigh in and record day.  I mean, I weigh every day, I can't help it, I'm addicted, but officially I will use Monday's weight.  I was going to do Thursday, as that was the day of my surgery, but Mondays seem so much cleaner, somehow.  Weird....

 

 

So can I just say I LOVE my sleeve.  I have to admit I was really worried about the surgery, the chance of a possible leak (very, very rare!), that something might happen to make this not the dream it seemed to be.  But everything has gone off without a hitch (knock on every piece of wood around!)  I honestly often forget I have had this done.  Just last night I reached for one of Baby C’s Reese’s cups from his Halloween bucket without thinking.  I almost wish there were something physical to remind me, like a stomach cramp, or something like a shock collar! 

At first my tummy felt like I had been doing sit ups for three days straight, but it’s now much, much better   My surgeon says that they insert air in between the muscle and abdominal wall which stretches the muscle out, hence the soreness.  A few days ago, I stretched up and out too much while reaching for something and it feels like I tore my muscles in there like a really bad workout.  So I’ve been more sore for a couple days, but even that is now almost completely gone.  And my incisions are healing beautifully I am putting Bio-Oil on them every night and every morning out of the shower. 

So I had refried beans last week for the first time.  I got them through a wonderful little Mexican restaurant down the road from my work, so they are more runny than the canned kind….and they were SO FREAKIN’ good!!!  I asked for extra cheese on top and mixed it all in and it was the best soft, warm comfort food ever!  Good fiber and protein.  And I have lots for leftovers!  More carbs than I thought though….can’t be a regular once I can eat ‘real’ food. 

I’ve been a little concerned for a while since it’s so easy for me to eat almost ½ cup of food at a time, like mashed potatoes, ricotta bake, whatever.  It seems like a lot to eat so soon after my surgery.  I keep reading on the boards that a lot of people can only handle a few teaspoons!!??  There is no discomfort or pain, so I’m pretty sure I’m not overdoing it.  I do still feel like there is a restriction where my esophagus meets my tummy as whenever I eat, it seems to just sit there for awhile.  This concerns me as my leak test the day after surgery showed the contrast not going down at all, not for a while until I walked around the ward for 10 minutes.  It still seems ‘tight’ but it’s not painful or unmanageable and I’m sure it will continue to loosen up, as it has so far.  Drinks go down fine, now, and they used get hung up a bit.  Then again, maybe the esophagus thing is a sign of being full?  Maybe my tummy doesn’t feel full anymore, but my esophagus feels it?  Am I overeating??  Hmmmm…..I’ll have to find out on the boards, verticalsleevetalk.com. 

I  will try to get a pic up of my incisions so you can see how little they are and how well they are healing.  I know I was curious as to how those looked before my surgery.  I also want to get before pics up so I can track my progress month by month. 

Take care, my lovelies, and I will see you soon in my Cupcake (Cheeseburger) Dreams!! 

And Today I Weigh......

We'll get to my weight a little bit later :)  

I just realized I should have named my blog Cheeseburger Dreams...everyone who knows me knows I don't like sweets, and that cheeseburgers are my favorite food...but Cupcake Dreams sounded so CUTE!  And oh Lord, have I been craving me some cheeseburger!!!

Anwhoozle, back to my story.  So today I am 12 days out from surgery.  I get to start pureed foods tomorrow.  Which to me seems no different than full liquids.  My paperwork says full liquids are strained cream soups, runny Cream of Wheat, protein drinks, yogurt, pudding, applesauce.  Pureeds says anything that is no thicker than applesauce (can be drawn through a straw, but you don't use a straw) with no chunks.  So....what is the difference?  Pudding is already thicker than applesauce, but I have been allowed that?  I don't understand.  Everything that everyone else eats on this stage is thicker than applesauce and can't be sucked through a straw - refried beans and cheese, mashed potatoes, pureed soups (not strained but no chunks and thick) so I'm confused!!  

But not too confused.  I have a confession to make.  I've been cheating.  Not really CHEATING, as in you're on a diet and you got through McDonald's for lunch and then DQ for dessert and then have pizza for dinner, but I have been eating more than full liquids.  It started on Saturday.  I am starting to get hungry.  Not starving hungry, but hungry!    I've been subsisting on about 400 calories a day and my swollen tummy is not so swollen anymore, and I'm basically feeling almost totally back to normal, except for some sore tummy muscles if I stretch too far, so my body is like "FEED ME".  But just not so loud as it was before since my tummy no longer produces ghrelin, the hunger hormone.  It is controllable.  But it's getting increasingly harder to watch other people eat things I love!  Friday night my Bosom Buddy was over and we ordered pizza and her and Fuzz (my hubby) and our kids bathed and drooled all over that gooey, cheesy, greasy goodness.  As I sat and watched the food orgy, I confess, I was wanting a damn piece of pizza!  So what did I do?  I cheated.  No, I did not eat a piece of pizza with my new week-old tummy, but I did steal a mushroom off my son's piece and chewed and chewed and chewed the hell out of it to turn it into applesaucy mush before I swallowed it.  Then I was okay, oddly enough.  Thank you, Sleevie Wonder.   

So Saturday comes and I go grocery shopping and I decide it's time for something of substance.  So I get some Bob Evans mashed potatoes and some jarred turkey gravy.  That night, I made about 1/3 cup of mashed potatoes with some butter and jarred gravy to thin them out.  Oh my god, was it good!!  Now, mashed potatoes are not on the full liquids diet, but I figured I was close to Wednesday (LOL!) and the most important decision was that many, many other post-sleeve programs allow pureeds and mushies at this stage.  And there were no chunks, and it was thin.  

Then I worry, am I just justifying what I ate like I used to do?  Is this a bad habit coming back?  But then I realize, no, you need to eat, you are truly hungry, and adding 200 calories to your already 300 per day is not going to make(keep) you fat!  And once I can start eating 'normally', or what my new normal will be, I will be able to eat substance, which will definitely keep me full longer and allow me to feel like I am eating again!  But that's not allowed until November 30.   The countdown has started.  

See.  This is why I need to post more often.  Each one of these experiences should be it's own post!  They will get shorter, I promise. 

As a side note, the worst part so far, with the hunger and cravings, was Sunday night.  Fuzz, Baby C, and I went to Costco to get the usual and since it was later, they got Costco hot dogs and a chicken bake for dinner.  That was the absolute worst so far.  The smell of the hot dogs, the juices running out of it as I fed it to my child, the warm, soft bun, the oozy ketchup.  I confess.  I cheated again.  I actually took a bite, chewed it slowly, savored every soft, warm, juicy, salty bite.....and then spit it out into napkin.  But I overcame it, and survived.

So this week I am sort of introducing mushies and pureeds, before Wednesday, because I am getting hungry.  I made a beautiful Ricotta Bake with sauce and cheese, which is thicker than applesauce, but so damn good (Thank you, Eggface!)  And I've been eating my mashed potatoes.  And I've even snuck a weird bite of this and that, chewed it to sawdust before I swallowed it.  I think today, I might even try some thinned out refried beans with melted cheese!  Don't worry, I really don't think I'm overdoing it.  I do eat very slow, make sure I can tolerate it, and only about 1/4-1/2 cup at a time.   No chunks, nothing of substance, nothing that can get 'stuck' or hurt my staple line.

So is all this worth it?  You tell me.  I started this journey at 300 el-bees, actually 302, and this morning I got on the scale and I weigh 285.  that's 17 pounds in 12 days.  Course, a lot of that is water weight, and anyone can lose that in a week or two of severe crash dieting, which is basically what I have been doing.  But this time, Ladies and Gents, IT'S NOT COMING BACK!!! EVER!!!!  It's just going to keep melting off me, probably at a slower pace, and I will have stalls as my body adjusts, but I will continue to shrink.  And so, yes, I believe it is worth.  And if anyone...anyone.....asks me if they should do this, I would stand from the rooftops and shout "YES" from the top of my lungs.